Friday, July 29, 2005

trying to reach top of rope remember

I haven't had time to blog lately, but when I opened this page, I immediately noticed that my countup (as opposed to countdown) indicates that I've been cigarette-free for 100 days! Imagine that! I still get tempted by the habit of it--I don't miss the buzz. Sometimes, for example, I'd look longingly at my sister, who's smoking in the garden, and I'd think that smoking in the garden seems like a good way to relax. But the feeling doesn't last long, because I take 500mg of Vitamin C daily, and everytime I do, I imagine it cleansing my body, and since I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive and all, I wouldn't want to dirty it up again. It's gotten so that whenever my ladyboy smokes in our room, I tell her to go out.

Moreover, I've arranged it so that our little garden is not just a place for me to sneak a smoke--which it used to be, because I'd never been interested in it before. I actually take care of some fish there (some shibunkin, goldfish, and lots and lots of silver molly that reproduce like rabbits), and I'm proud to say that I officially have two plants: two margeurite daisies, one of which still refuses to bloom, so I'm going to have to transplant it. It's a good start for someone who doesn't have a green thumb. I also take care of my mother's struggling roses, though I really have no idea what I'm doing. I just snip off the flowers in full bloom, like she asked me to.

This is not to say that sleep assault has stopped stressing me out. Last night, we had another of our long fights. Discussion, he calls it, but I'd never been part of a discussion where only one person speaks for both parties. Sometimes, he's so bratty it makes me laugh--but I don't, because he immediately says, "Right, laugh. It's funny eh?" I'd been so stressed lately, I skipped my period for April.

Tiger said, "Are you scared?"

I replied, "Not really--but if I were having sex, I probably would be.

I hope it's nothing serious. Maybe it's just the heat.