Quick updates:
1. Tigre is well, of course.
2. J is well too, of course.
3. I am well, I think. At least (to go by my previous posts) I had my period this month as usual (three days, when the previous month was like five days or even six--but let's not go into that).
I'm happy to say that I've kicked the smoking habit! They say you can form a new habit within a minimum of 30 days (although for exercise, it's more like 6 months), and, like quitting alcohol or drugs, this will always be a daily decision. I saw on
brooke skye sometime ago that there are personalities that are more prone to addiction. I was watching with my mom, and, without thinking, I announced, "I think my personality's like that!" and she said, "And what are you addicted to?" I couldn't tell her I smoked--only my dad knows that, and he took that secret to his grave. I said, "FOOD!" And it wasn't exactly a lie, either.
I remember being a chain smoker, especially when surrounded by other smokers. And I remember that, when drinking in my university days, I just couldn't stop with just one or two. I kept going. Thank God I didn't have much money, or else I wouldn't have anything stopping me. And thank God I'm deathly afraid of breaking the law, or else I might just have tried to chip in for
raven riley.
Anyhow, here's a good quote, from Og Mandino's The Greatest Salesman in the World, which I recommend as a good read:
In truth, the only difference between those who have failed and those who have succeeded lies in the difference of their habits. Good habits are the key to all success. Bad habits are the unlocked door to failure. Thus, the first law I will obey, which precedes all others, is--"I will form good habits and become their slaves."
I still haven't gotten rid of my rage, though. And it seems like the more I know about J's family, the more reasons I have to be mad at them. But right now, I've decided to just drop it and let it go. I just can't believe I once imagined him to be the most humble person on the planet. But what can I say, I love the guy. And, as he said, "We're trapped." Which means we can't make any decisions until we finally meet. Right now, however, I swear, if it doesn't work out with him, I'm never going to allow myself to be swept into this kind of relationship ever again. When I look back at everything I've been through, I can't help but kick myself in the ass for not going about it in a smarter way.
